careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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