we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize