dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
