Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
this will be a night to untag.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
