Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
