Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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