We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
