My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
