my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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