So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
so much tequila, so little girl.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
