There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
