the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
