I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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