oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
