She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
