You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
