That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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