I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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