Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
