He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
