i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
