i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
