all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
