I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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