i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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