I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
