u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
