I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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