my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
