I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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