I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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