Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
