This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
