We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize
