i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize