just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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