Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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