Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
