her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
