If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize