I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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