There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
