Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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