Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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