just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
