There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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