the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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