you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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