you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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