at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
