note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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