Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
