i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
