Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
