id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
