So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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