the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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