i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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