I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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