i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
