why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
