i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
