I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
