A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
