if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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