This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
